Feb 27 2010

Fully Sick Rapper


I saw this on YouTube and it cracked me up.  It doesn’t hurt that he is cute as hell.  I hope he feels better soon, and that he keeps making videos after he is well.

Feb 27 2010

Random Photo


Photo By Shundo David Haye

This is a photo that was taken of me one morning when I was doan (ringing bells for service).  I love the play of light and how I am partly in shadow.  So often internally I feel like my life is partly hidden from even me.  The more I practice, the more light gets in.  I think this is just an awesome photo all around

Feb 26 2010

Please Register


If you are here regularly, please register, and comment, and let’s have a conversation. I hate talking to the wall.

Feb 25 2010

What the hell?


What the (bleep)? Calif. Tackles Cussing – CBS News.

California Lawmakers are going to have a cuss free week.  We are in the middle of a budget crisis of outrageous proportions, forcing teachers and schools to cut classes, take furloughs and otherwise sacrifice, and yet our lawmakers are wasting time on this crap?

No wonder the rest of the country thinks we are crazy.  We are.

Feb 25 2010



Today I got a card in the mail from someone thanking me for my talk last Sunday.  I was touched.  I was also touched by this beautiful poem she enclosed with it.

If You Knew (death) by Ellen Bass

What if you knew you’d be the last

to touch someone?

If you were taking tickets for example,

at the theater, tearing them,

giving back the ragged stubs,

you might take care to touch that palm,

brush your fingertips

along the life line’s crease.

When a man pulls his wheeled suitcase

too slowly through the airport, when

the car in front of me doesn’t signal,

when the clerk at the pharmacy

won’t say Thank you, I don’t remember

they’re going to die.

A friend told me she’d been with her aunt

They’d just had lunch and the waiter

a young gay man with plum black eyes,

joked as he served the coffee, kissed

her aunt’s powdered cheek when they left.

They they walked half a block and her aunt

dropped dead on the sidewalk.

How close does the dragon’s spume

have to come? How wide does the crack

in heaven have to split?

What would people look like

if we could see them as they are,

soaked in honey, stung and swollen,

reckless, pinned against time?

Today in class we talked about The Apology by Plato where he talks about the trial and death of Socrates.  The question that struck me was “What would you be willing to die for rather than give up.  For Socrates it was virtue.  For me, I don’t know.  Part of me would like to say virtue of course.  But whose virtue?  And is that really true?

When I have been close to death at the various points in my illness, I thought I knew where the line was.  Now, as I get to feeling better, get to make goals again, I wonder.  What does it meant to have a quality of life?  Where is the line between too much and not enough?  More questions than answers it seems to me these days.

The nature of existence is that it is impermanent.  Doesn’t mean I have to hurry it along.  Doesn’t mean I can’t want it to be otherwise.  As a Buddhist I accept what is as it is, but I am also called to help it to be it’s best.  To live fully in this moment, and not rush headlong into the next, nor fight it “when it comes”.

I am reminded of a conversation with Rudi about 4 months or so before he decided he was done with the fight.  He said “I am scared to say that (what would be “too much” or what was too big a hit to his idea about a quality life), it would hurt so many folks, and I don’t want to do that, but I am also afraid of how much longer this could go on.  This life it’s so great how it is. ”  I asked him “What if this is as good as it ever gets” (not knowing that in fact was true)… He replied simply, “I don’t know yet.”

For me, I think that’s where I am.  I don’t know yet.